Remembering Maa
Meet my Guru, Indira Ma through the pages of my diary.

PAGE ONE

MA'S LOVE

What drew me to Ma was her complete sincerity and love. Her caring did not extend only to her near and dear ones.

I remember the day when Ma had come to visit me in my home in Mumbai. My mother was there, and she asked Ma: 'How is my daughter?' Ma lovingly looked at me, looked back at my mother and with an impish smile asked: 'How is mine?'

SINCERITY

1 May 1991

Someone asked Ma how her writing was going on.

Ma replied that she had a tooth-ache and hence had not written. But then she laughed and said: 'These are excuses, actually, I am lazy.' She then quoted, 'The fault dear Brutus, lies not in our stars but in ourselves.' 

COMPASSION

Ma had once remarked: 'Do not talk of compassion, talk of love. People do not have compassion, they have pity.'

Most of us find it difficult to differentiate between emotions like love and attachment, compassion and pity. Observing Ma, and her interactions one could feel the difference.

Feb 1990

Had gone to visit Ma and was sitting up in her room as was the normal practice. Suddenly we heard a commotion. An under-privileged woman was heard speaking loudly and crying. She came up and claimed that she had lost her slippers, and someone was accusing her of lying. Ma apologised to her, as she felt responsible that the lady had been humiliated in her temple. She gave her Rs 200, and asked her not to have any bad feelings for her or her temple, but to forgive her.

MY FEAR AND OTHER SPIRITUAL BLOCKS

Feb 1990

I complained to Ma that 'fear' was troubling me. She said 'drop it'.

I said 'You drop it for me'

27 July 1991

This time again I asked Ma how I should deal with my fears, and whether I should learn to live with it like I have learned to live with my gastritis or/and my nose!!!

Ma answered: "No, pray that the Lord helps you overcome it"

I asked Ma whether she did not feel that I was a nincompoop!

Ma answered: "No! I think that you are such a bright and brave soul!"

BECOME A SAAKSHI

5 May 1990

I said to Ma 'People consider me so positive and with so much faith, I see my shortcomings, I feel like a fraud'

Ma said 'You are not. You must make a conscious effort to become a 'saakshi' (witness). The time will come when you will have to take an internal stand'.

CHANGE DIFFICULTIES INTO

30 April 1991

Ma said to me 'You will have to change difficulties into opportunities, your role is to accept. Everyone is at different points of evolution, you must accept and dissolve'.

Evening:- I asked Ma: 'I have always known that I have learned from different circumstances, masters and books. The answers have always come. A few weeks ago I had the insight that everyone is my guru. Is my insight real?

Ma said: 'I am quite sure it was'.

Later Ma was reading a chapter from her book on Guru-disciple relationships, where the guru teaches the disciple not to always expect blessings, by way of placing hand on head etc. The disciple should feel blessed the moment he bows.

I asked Ma 'Since a guru's work is to break your ego, and even your relatives do it, then can't one learn the same lesson from relatives?'

Ma said: 'A guru has no ego of his own. He does not want to impose his will upon you while relatives would want to'.

I said: 'What if one dissolves like you said this morning?'

Ma said: 'Then, it is possible. Take what suits you from relatives and use it to dissolve and grow'. 

DADAJI AND ABOUT KEEPING SPIRITUAL DIARIES

1 May 1991

I went to Ma in the morning. What a treat! She was mostly talking about her Dadaji. Dadaji had not wanted Ma to make a cult. Dadaji had not ever wanted to be known as a Mahatma or Bhagwan. But he had claimed that one thing he was, and that was a true seeker! Ma continued: 'a guru who had done Thakur-darshan had kept a spiritual diary about the communication that he had had with his guru.

Ma continued: 'Keeping diaries is a good thing. My desire when I first came to meet Dadaji was not to fritter so much between happiness and unhappiness-to go beyond both.' 

Ma spoke of Dadaji's death. She said 'For 3or 4 days, he kept saying, 'I have passed the valley of death, and I have seen the Lord face to face. I have experienced the bliss that other men aspire'.

'When Ma asked 'who am I?' Then turning to Ma, Dadaji said 'Indira, you are the greatest Grace in my life.

The last words before Dadaji's death were: 'Wash my hands, I have to touch the Lord's feet'.

26 July 1991

During the evening Ma spoke about her Dadaji. She recounted how in 1963, Dadaji had told Ma to return to her home.

Ma had answered to Dadaji, 'all that is now shadows, I cannot return, but I would like to learn how to live my new life.