Meet my Guru, Indira Ma through the pages of my diary.
21 Nov 1991
I told Ma: "I have been meditating for so many years....so much is happening outside (meaning, I lecture, sing, write books etc), But nothing is happening inside".
Ma said: "Since the last 2 years that I have known you, there is a great change, so speak about something else".
When I told Ma that my daughter Anuja had prayed for her health, Ma said that that was why she was probably better".
I told Ma: " I feel so guilty talking about petty things when you are going through so much!"
Ma said: "You see my Body pains, but you do not see the Bliss I enjoy and the Grace".
AMRIT VELA AASHRAM
Went to Khandaala. Ma was doing the Pran-pratishta (A ritual whereby a priest generally infuses Life into the idols by means of mantras)
Ma said: "If you believe that the Stone is God, He will be there, because He is everywhere".
About 'Pran Pratishta' I asked Ma: "Is'nt 'pran pratishta' infusing love?" Ma answered me in the affirmative.
I told Ma about my own experience:
I had gone to Udaipur and from there to Chittor where my main aim was to pay obeisance in Meera's (One of the great devotees of Lord Krishna) temple.
At Chittor garh, I kept imploring the guide to show me the temple first as I was afraid that it might close at noon. The tourist guide kept re-assuring me that the temple never closes.
When we reached the temple, it was closed!!!!!! I was almost in tears! I mentally cried out to Krishna. I said to Him, "I refuse to believe that my desire to see the temple was not straight from my heart, so why are You playing with my emotions!
The guide felt sorry for me, he tried to make me feel better, by telling me that the real Idol was not in this temple but in Udaipur Palace in the Queen's private collection!
Needless to say, that bit of information did not make me feel an iota better. After all it was a long drive to Udaipur and from thence we were driving off for Ahmedabad the following morning.
To top it all, the queen was NOT my personal friend, so how would I get access to her private collection to see Meera's Giridhar!!!!
It seemed an impossibility! But Ma believes that miracles do still happen, and it did for me. I somehow got to see Meera's Giridhar, and I even got flowers that had touched His feet. The priest gave it to me claiming that he did not know why he was so doing.
I strewed the petals of Krishna into my 200 page Bhajan Book. (The note book that contained my favourite
hymns & prayer songs).
When later I opened my note book, wonder of wonders!! Most of the petals had fallen into the three songs penned by Meera!
It was like Krishna had assured me that He was indeed Meera's Giridhar, Her Beloved Krishna.
When I completed my narration, Ma said: "That happened to re-assure you!".
Ma used to sometimes get into a childish mischievous behaviour which was ever so typical ,and becoming to her.
Ma once pouted and childishly said, while taking out her socks,: "Why should I wear my socks, after all Shakun does not wear!
I smiled and said: "Look after yourself, Ma, pray for yourself".
She smiled, hugged me and said: "Greetings to your husband". I showed her one of our photographs, which she placed on her eyes and kissed.
25 April 1990
Ma hugged and kissed me and said: "I often think of you".
I felt naughty, so I said: "I have a photograph of you on my bed-side, maybe that is why you think of me", to which she replied that she would think of me, even if I had no photograph of hers.
Later I wrote her a note: "I feel like a nincompoop sometimes, but I felt so glad when you said that you think of me sometimes....I pray for physical, emotional and Spiritual health, for me and my own. Give 'Shakti' (energy) to my prayers....Is the mantra that I chant, OK?
Ma said: "Yes, only relax when you meditate".
I had read in a poem, the different things that the poet felt grateful for. And one of the items was the clean bed-sheets that he got under at night. Since that day, I have always felt grateful for the same.
I told Ma: "I am lazy. The best time for me is when I go under my bed-sheets" and then I asked her: "Is it unconsciousness?"
Ma replied in the negative.
I asked Ma if she had prayed for me. She replied that everything would be alright.
Ma then told us how once while meditating she had entered a dream that Dadaji was experiencing at that time.
Ma spoke of Krishna with a naturalness that only comes natural with great love.
Ma said: "Krishna is not a gentleman. He does not treat you the way you want...You have to dance to His flute...You want something, you do the
'Hanuman Chalisa' or 'Shivji prayers'..."
Then she added: "I have seen Him...so exquisite, with a Blue Lotus in His Hands...
June 2 1992
A friend of mine possessed a marble 'Krishna' which was ever so exquisite. I had always heard that Krishna was blue. And I wondered how a 'Blue Krishna' could be beautiful? But the 'Krishna' that my friend owned had a bluish hue and was gorgeous!
I wanted to have one, sculptured by the same artist. So I enquired.
They told me that they would find out the artists' name and let me know. However they had acquired 'Him' from Jaipur.
So the next time I visited Jaipur, I visited most studios with no luck.
Some time later, a friend of mine called saying that he had a 'Radha Krishna' sculpted by the artist I was looking for. I promised that I would pass by and see Them. However Ma was in Mumbai and as, I was going to visit her, most of my free time, I was unable to go and see the 'Thakurs'.
My friend called to enquire when I was going to see the 'Thakurs' as he was holding on to them for me. Since I was not sure when I would be able to go, and I figured that it was not fair that I ask him to wait, I said "You show Them to anyone who might be interested in Them, if They are meant for me They will come to me.
A few days later, as I went to visit Ma, someone said that Ma was presenting me with the Thakurs that I had wanted. I was confused, how did that happen?
I was explained that someone had presented the Thakurs to Ma. He told her: Shakun was
very keen on having them". So Ma had said "These are for Shakun!"
I had tears in my eyes. Those tears were of joy, love, gratitude and the strange ways of God!
I felt so fortunate. Others receive a mantra from their Guru, and I was being given My Thakurs!
Ma asked me to bring a silk cloth piece during the evening, so that she could give Them to me. She prayed, performed Puja and aarti and placed Them in my receiving arms.
Today They are in my temple and in my heart. And They constantly remind me of my
Someone asked me: "Don't you already own a pair of Thakurs of marble Radha Krishna?"
I answered: "Do you stop at one diamond, if you are offered another exquisite pair?
Then my wondering heart went 'thump'. It enquired: "Are you worthy of this Grace?"
My friend Sapna said: "Ma says that 'Grace involves responsibility'
I felt responsible. I told Ma: " Tell the Thakurs to forgive me if I make mistakes!"
Ma gently told me: "I make mistakes too".
I could not sleep at night. I felt restless. I had been wondering if I could give the pair to someone I loved. Ma said: "No, these are for you!"
As I looked at both the pairs of Radha-Krishna in my temple. I felt disloyal towards my first pair. But then I reasoned: 'when you love, can't you look and love 2 photographs of the same Beloved? That does not make you feel disloyal, so why should you feel that now? Maybe I should treasure my 'New Ones' ...Look at them...and share the other Ones?...Maybe I will feel differently tomorrow morning.....Help me Lord....'
13 July 1992
Came to Pune, to Hari-Krishna Mandir and to Ma. Ma said "Come and be welcome. My little mother, my little sister, my child, my friend."
Before that, she had wiped the 'Samaadhi' of Dadaji. She then touched my forehead and head.
Later, I asked Ma: "Are the Thakurs happy?
Ma said: "Yes, they are very happy. You did the right thing. You took them in the right spirit! ..They hold our life....I am glad They are with you.
Some time back I had asked Ma how come she had so many Thakurs in her Mandir. She had laughed and said "people bring me their Thakurs to show me. Then they have a dream where they hear Krishna telling them that He wants to stay on in Harikrishna Mandir. That is why I am surrounded by so many
Thinking of the above incident I said to Ma: "I was afraid that I would get a dream and my Thakurs would say that They wanted to go to Ma!
Ma laughingly replied: No! I am with Them!"
I told Ma about the fact that my son had got a job. Ma said: "Very Good!"
I said: "Ma please pray for them." Ma said that she would.
Then I said to Ma that I made so many mistakes, so to forgive me.
Ma sometimes would tease me and say to me that I was so wise. I would wince and say: "No Ma, don't say that". This time I added: "Think of me sometimes."
Ma said: "I think of you very often and very intensely."