Remembering Maa
Meet my Guru, Indira Ma through the pages of my diary.

PAGE TWO

GOD REALISATION

1 May 1991

Someone asked Ma: 'What is God realisation?'

Ma replied: 'To me, it is to care for all. To see myself and God in everyone. 

MIRACLES DO STILL HAPPEN

1 May 1991

I asked Ma about her book 'Miracles do still happen, whether she and Dadaji were the characters. Ma answered in the affirmative. When I asked her whether one of the stories was hers, she did not really answer.

MYSELF

1 May 1991

I asked Ma, " Will you look after me in the after life?"

She said: "Of course, I'll come."

I said: "If I go before you, will you send someone?"

She said: "That won't happen. I'll be there!" 

Once after I had met Ma , I wrote in my diary: 'I feel heavy and settled. It is like when a foundation is placed. It has to be heavy and settled.

Manju , my dear cousin, and fellow disciple confirmed that that is how I looked as I listened to Ma.

Ma came down to the main temple in the evening. At the end of the satsang, Ma turned to me and said: 'I came because of you'. It seems that Sapna (a fellow-devotee) mentioned to her that I had never seen her downstairs in the temple.

WILL YOU LEAD ME MA?

27 July 1991

Was supposed to have left for Bombay, but due to heavy rains and cancellation of trains had to return to the Mandir.

During the evening Satsang, Ma asked me to sing. I sang " Sham piya mori rang de chunariya, bina rangaaye main to ghar ko na jaaoongi. In this bhajan,the devotee implores the Lord, to colour one in His own colour, i.e. to make one a true devotee. The devotee continues that she will not go home until the Lord accedes to her request.

After my bhajan, Ma sang: "Giridhar Naagar aajaa, Brij-raaja, khelan ham-sang holi, Meera ke Prabhu-aa, khelan aankh mein cholee, Meera ke Prabhu aa."

Here, the devotee beseeches the Lord to come and play , holi and hide-and-seek with her. It seemed like Ma's song was a continuation to mine.

I went up to Ma and told her in her ear: "Will you lead me Ma, will you lead me to Him....Or will you lead me to someone who will lead me to Him?"

Ma said: "I promise... we will go hand in hand. Ghantee bajegee aur hum saath chalengey (The bell will ring and we will go together) "I don't know why, but I have said it, we are mother and daughter, two sisters together, I will hold your hand and we will go together."

Then she cried: "I have only loved the Lord....I told Him I will be your slave, (with an impish smile, she continued), I will also be holy (for His sake)". Then she said "I can't help loving Him"
Ma continued , "People seem like fishes, sometimes they feel that they are free, but they are not!"

Ma continued that she loved the fishes, because she also saw that they were fishermen! And then Ma laughed heartily as she realised that what she had just said was quite original!

Then her mood changed, it turned serious and she claimed that she wanted to go, as she had done her bit and was tired!

Ma then spoke about Sri Ramakrishna. She narrated that once he had broken his arm, and some people had come to visit him as they believed that he was an 'Avataar'.

Sri Ramakrishna's disciples implored him not to show the visitors his fractured arm, as the visitors would doubt that he was an incarnation if he could not prevent this mishap. However, the moment the visitors entered, he showed them the broken limb!

Ma continued, that since 1949, meditation had been part of her breath. Once someone left, and because she was disturbed it stopped. That made her unhappy. Every time, she did half a mala (rosary chant) , she would do meditation. Ma stated that we all hoped, Life lived on hope-so why not hope for the best?

Then again Ma's mood changed. She again stated that she was tired and that she wanted to go!
Some disciples asked Ma, why she did not ask the Lord to get rid of her illness.

Ma re-iterated "Doesn't He know?"

Ma had surrendered and her joy could not be expressed. But such things she said, should not be talked about ,otherwise they would stop. Dadaji had not believed in 'hush hush' yet about his own experiences, he would not talk much. Ma mischievously added that Dadaji was very 'chalaak' (smart).

Ma said "During meditation, people think of material things, but I cannot stop remembering You".

Ma said to me: "God bless you, Thakur bless you. We need each other.

Ma was in 'Bhaav Samaadhi' and during those times, she used to be partly in another dimension.

So she kept saying "Let us go upstairs" though she was already there. Then she said: "Go down for the Bhajan", when it was already 9.15 pm, and the satsang was already over!

A DISCOURSE ON THE RAMAYAN

1 May 1991

The discourse that Ma gave that evening was based on the Ramayana.

After Sri Ram had been banished to the forest, his brother Bharat follows him there to coax him to return to Ayodhya as the rightful heir to the throne. However, there is a problem. If Sri Ram returns to Ayodhya, his father Dashrath cannot fulfill the promise given to his wife Kaikeyi; If Bharat remains in the forest and Laxman goes, it would not be agreeable to the latter, and again would not appease Kaikeyi's demand. Finally, the problem is solved by Bharat saying to Sri Ram: 'The solution lies in me making thy will mine!' Ma added: 'The best way to pray, is to say to the Lord: 'Let thy will be done, not mine!'. Ma continued: 'Change difficulties into opportunities. Joy and sorrow will come, rise above both.'

MYSELF (contd)

1 May 1991

Later during the evening, we went upstairs, to offer our pranaams.

I asked her, 'when will you call me?'

She said' 'soon, or I will come to Bombay.'

I said, 'Ma, you once said that we were connected in our last 'janam'.

She said 'yes, very close.'

I asked her, 'will you tell me how?'

She said, 'yes, when the time comes', and then added, 'it is such a joy to see you'. I put her hands close to my eyes, and felt blessed. I told her to look after me and mine, and added 'looks like I am dealing better with my attachments.'

She said, 'yes, they are loosened.'

I said, 'look after me, bless me'.

She said, 'God bless us both'