Remembering Maa
Meet my Guru, Indira Ma through the pages of my diary.

PAGE FIVE

MA TAKING AWAY MY PAIN

Since a few days my chest had been hurting. I told Ma about it.

She asked: "Have you picked up a heavy weight?"

I believe that Ma takes up her disciples pain, so I realised that I had made a mistake in telling her about it. I said: "Ma I don't know why I told you (about my pain), I shouldn't have!"

Ma said: "Good, I am glad that you told me, now it will go." Of course the pain disappeared.

When I told Neelam about this incident, she said: "I once had diarrhea, Ma asked what was wrong. Soon afterwards I was much better, and Ma had gone to the toilet a few times.

Once when my youngest daughter Anuja was ailing in the hospital with typhoid, malaria and jaundice. Ma called me from Pune and asked me how she was.

At that time she was complaining of an acute stomach-ache. I told Ma, so. Ma said to me: "You pray, I am also praying." Soon afterwards my daughter called me to say that her stomach-ache had gone.

The next day, The doctor said that the swelling of the liver had disappeared and we could start the strong medication for typhoid and malaria.

Needless to say my daughter made a speedy recovery.

MY BOOK - IN TOUCH WITH MASTERS

My penning 'In touch with Masters' where I have expressed my gratitude to the various Guides that have appeared in my life, has been so satisfying, that I have often expressed, that even if people do not appreciate the book, I have received ample reward in the form of my own joy. When I offered the book to Ma, she in turn kept it in front of Dadaji's photo to invoke the latter's blessings, telling me that it sometimes takes a day or two for Dadaji to bless the book.

I told Ma: " Now I am worried."

Ma asked: "Why?, writing the book has given you satisfaction, so what does it matter what others think.  I realised that Ma was blasting my ego, and isn't that what real Gurus are meant to do?

Ma had earlier told: "Be Sincere, that will be your path"  Whether one is able to be truthful to others all the time may not always be possible but sincerity to oneself is mandatory to an aspirant of the Spiritual path. I had to admit to myself that I had yet not gone beyond caring what others think of me and my work.

I told Ma about a certain person who seemingly is not spiritually inclined but often expresses rather deep thoughts.  Ma said: "These are poetic insights, something that everyone feels at one time or another, it is not necessarily his own."

I asked Ma: "How are your Thakurs?"

Ma replied: "I belong to the Thakurs! Main Giridhar ki, Giridhar mere."

19 Nov 1992
I was going to Delhi, so she said to me: "God be with you, God Bless you".

I had gone to Delhi to attend a wedding. A guest at the wedding function, who I really did not know, said to me: "You are beautiful". I may be pleasant looking, but I know that I am no 'beautiful'

So I asked her: "Are you psychic?"

She said: "I know about personalities, maybe you don't, but you are beautiful."

I said: "It is difficult for one woman to give a compliment to another!"

She insisted: "I have seen the world and I know that you are beautiful". I let it drop at that.

Today I believe that maybe I was carrying Ma's aura with me? And that is what that kind lady was perceiving?

28 Nov. 1992

Returned to Bombay. Ma was still here. I confided in Ma. I said to Ma: "...Even if we have to lose to a certain extent, I ask for my husband's health, physical and spiritual. My husband, a strong man, is not reacting too much, to all that he is going through."

Ma said: "That is Grace...Grace does work...It works in strange ways."

I said to Ma: " I always say to my husband, we have great children who are happy, that is so much to be grateful for. And Ma, my husband agrees with me."

Ma again repeated: "That is Grace!"

I said to Ma: "Do you remember that I have asked you to lead me?"

Ma said: "Who leads whom?"

I said; "You lead me Ma, I have given you my hand and I feel good."  Ma gave me her hand 3 times playfully and did 'aadaab'.

I said: " Ma, one invests so much for things in this life. This investment is for my next".  Then I added: "I am being clever!"

Ma laughed and said: "I have told you that once." I laughed back, and said: "No Ma! 3 or 4 times" Then Ma said what she had said once before: "You are not cunning clever".

I said: "Ma, sometimes I calculate and that is not much fun"

I said: "(On the whole) I think that I am better."

Ma said: "Yes! After all, if you are not, then what am I doing?"

I said: "Ma, ever since you came to my house, I feel a weight, a nice weight!".

Ma said: "That is 'Grace'."

I asked: "Does it come in the form of 'weight'?"

Ma said: "Yes! And Grace involves responsibility."

Sapna said: "She does a lot of good work and she is sincere."

Ma said: "Yes, she is."

Ma then proceeded to advise me that whatever 'good work' that I am doing I should do in a spirit of worship. I should believe that it is happening rather than that I am doing it. I said: Ma, I know that I am doing nothing. Sometimes I have only a few girls attending the class, and I feel that maybe the Lord wants me to stop the class. But then suddenly the class fills up again through no effort of mine and I know that the Lord is responsible.  I am feeling less and less like the doer."

Ma said: "Yes!".

Every time Ma touches my head, I feel a weight, a lovely weight. Now I know that it is Grace.

8 Jan 1993

Had gone to the States for my son's Graduation ceremony. Last night had a strange dream. Saw the Lord in a 'Thakur' form. I wished to garland Him and scolded Him for not allowing me. He then took a thread from the garland and garlanded me!